Sportin' Life was right

Years ago, and well into my seventh month of pregnancy in New York City, it occurred to me one day that, as I would be unable to run from a fast predator, I was lucky not to run into an urban panther. These weekly blogs will consider women's lives from the perspective of one who is now older.

What is it with this “mean girl” thing? Why are we focusing on stupid teen-aged behavior? Is high school really the most formative experience we have had? Why feature such ugliness in everything from films to news stories? As with two-year-olds having tantrums, doesn’t the attention only make it worse?

There was a time when women were portrayed as only competitive and catty with other women. I’m thinking of Clare Booth Luce’s The Women, which is as much a betrayal as what the collaborators of Vichy France did. The repeatedly told story about women was that they are never friends, but nasty rivals -- with the exception of the too-good girl, who usually dies as a plot device -- think Beth in Little Women or Kay in Stage Door.

Were women really like this? Are these portrayals true reflections? To paraphrase Jane Austen, all the stories have been written by men -- or, in the case of Booth Luce, by women who aped alpha male behavior in order to have their power.

It ain’t necessarily so. I have seen, and been privileged to have in my life, profoundly deep women friendships, filled with humor, honesty, and loyalty. These “girl friends” are exuberant, irreverent, creative, caring -- and being in a group amplifies all these features.

I have been with a group of four friends, waiting in line to buy ice cream one summer evening, when a woman came up to us and said, “Can I join you? You’re having much more fun than the people I’m with.” And we all laughed together until the ice cream was gone.

I have been among 11 women in a Reiki training who, when one of us spoke of a fear, all surrounded her to put a reassuring hand on her, to provide safety and comfort, to protect her. Women friends give me inspiration, solace, encouragement, joy. We have rejoiced over births, wept over cancer, laughed at ourselves, stood up for one another. Life would be barren without them.

I’m thinking this is another case of vandalism, this trashing of women’s friendships. Women friends nurture one another, so the big lie (tell it often enough and people will believe it) says women are opponents. It’s the classic switch -- substitute something for its opposite. The most obvious of these? Freud’s penis envy. (I know subsequent students of psychology have broadened his theory to the metaphorical level, but initially it was just about the penis, literally.)

When I first heard of penis envy, I wondered if it was a joke. Really, considering what a penis can do and what a womb can do, which body part might logically be met with envy? A womb is the source of new life. Having such power is something to be revered, respected, or, if one is fearful and ungrounded, resented. There could absolutely be womb envy, but penis envy is a complete reversal of the facts.

What other reversals do you suppose are out there?