Saturday, August 24, 2013

Dear diary


Years ago, and well into my seventh month of pregnancy in New York City, it occurred to me one day that, as I would be unable to run from a fast predator, I was lucky not to run into an urban panther. These weekly blogs will consider women's lives from the perspective of one who is now older.

Have you ever picked up an old diary and cringed at what you wrote? I remember doing that when I was probably 13, looking back at what I wrote when I was 10 and someone had given me a diary for my birthday. (I can’t remember if I tore it up or burned it.) Even when I was 10, I soon tired of writing my daily thoughts; they were too boring, even for me, the person writing them.

So I never developed the journaling habit. I know it’s a large part of developmental workshops, creative exploration, self-healing. But I just can’t do it, can’t bring myself to write about myself every day. My life is quieter now, but even in the midst of lots of activity, I never thought to chronicle it.

I’m sure lack of discipline is one reason. (It’s a good justification for not doing just about anything, don’t you think?) Another is that I didn’t think there was anything unique about it; it was just me, you know?

I guess that feeling is the opposite of what we in this country are seeing now -- all kinds of Americans acting as if they deserve everyone’s attention. On television there are the reality shows -- whether the topic is surviving or baking or designing dresses or buying them. Tell me -- why should we care?

Then there is what happens on the Internet. How did that tool for communications become the exhibitionist’s dream-come-true? People tell us they’re having soup for lunch or what groceries they bought. I wonder: who’s the audience, who could possibly be interested?

Have we somehow morphed the American ideal of equality, so revolutionary in a world of stratified societies, into the mistake of insisting that everyone is equal in talent or intelligence or beauty? And worse, we seem to have twisted the measure of a person’s worth into how much screen time she gets -- whether it’s a movie screen, a television screen, or a computer monitor.

Maybe it’s time to call “Cut!”

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